Being married is pretty rad. Its been four months since our wedding and I can’t believe how quickly the summer flew by. But, fall is in full swing and I am VERY happy about it. For some reason, I was craving yellow leaves and hoodies all summer.
So anyway, being married is pretty great. Not much has changed in our day to day lives though. We already bought the house and had been living together for a number of years before hand. The only difference between then and now is Andrew’s work schedule, which has been an adjustment. Last year (well, last fiscal year), Andrew was a detective and was considered “administration”, so he had weekends off and normal-ish hours. We could do things at night, plan our weekends, and actually do things together. Now, he is back on patrol and working nights on a 4 days on/2 days off schedule. We are fortunate to be able to see each other most every day. He doesn’t go into work until 11 at night and is awake by the time I get home at 5. That’s not to say that his hours are difficult to work around. Every 7 weeks he has a real weekend off, which makes it hard to spend quality time together that isn’t on the couch and see our friends/family. I try to represent us at our family’s and friend’s functions when I can. I think I’m starting to spread myself a little thin, though. I would so much rather go together then alone to anything. When he has his “weekend” during the work week, we try to do something special. Go out to eat, see friends, go to the movies, etc. I try my best to stay up late if need be so we can enjoy ourselves and whatever we might be doing, but it makes for Zombie Emily the next day at work. I need my 10 hours!
Sometimes, he gets the opportunity to work over time, so he goes in for a 12 hour shift; 8pm-8am. Every once in awhile its nice to have the TV to myself so I can watch my stories, but I’d much rather have him home to argue over the remote. During my weekends (the REAL weekend!), I try my best to keep quiet between the hours of 8:30 and 3:00 so he can sleep soundly. It proves a little difficult when I’m dropping pots and pans in the kitchen or when the microwave timer goes off before I can catch it. Did it always make that piercing beeping sound?!
I knew what I signed up for. Its about as hard as I thought it would be, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Police hours are tough on everyone, including the police themselves. I don’t think Andrew gets as much sleep as he needs, but I know from pulling those all-nighters in college that trying to get some REM sleep at 1pm isn’t the easiest. Also, what do you eat at 1am? Is it breakfast, lunch, or dinner? I don’t think I’d feel like eating cereal, but I also don’t think I’d like a chicken parm sub either. He has his schedule down and doesn’t seem to be suffering too badly from it. But, I worry. He never complains and he knows he needs to pay his dues in the department just like everyone else did. I know its fair. It just doesn’t seem it since it is such a huge inconvenience to our personal life.
But like I said, I knew what I had signed up for & we are very fortunate to be able to spend time together on most days, even if it is a little unconventional. Millions of families do this year in and year out- so why should we be any different? We aren’t!
I’m not trying to complain, truly. I hate his schedule, but I don’t hate his job. I am so appreciative of what he is doing. If it came down to it, yeah, I could probably adjust my entire being to a 12am-8am schedule if I had to. But from where I am standing, it seems impossible. I don’t know if I would have it in me to sleep only 5-6 hours a day, look at the clock at 4am and know that I have 4 more hours of work left, and go to bed just as I everyone is starting their day. It sounds hard. But, Andrew is doing it. And he is doing it for the both of us. He is work 12 hours shifts to help pay for that new dishwasher. He is working an extra detail after he gets off his shift to put towards our honeymoon. He is sleeping 5 hours so he can get up when the landscapers come to put all of the brush we raked through the wood chipper. Andrew deserves so much more then he earns, and I’m not saying that because I am biased. I’m saying it because its true.
I’m so lucky.
The past few weeks, wedding planning seemed to be a bit trivial in light of the recent events in Boston. I felt sort of guilty running around planning the rest of my happy life while other people’s lives were changing for the worse.
However, in an attempt to return to normalcy, here is a MUCH needed wedding update.
A few weeks ago my aunts, mother, future mother in law, and maid of honor threw me a BEAUTIFUL wedding shower. I was absolutely floored at what they put together. They tried to keep it a surprise, but I did eventually find out. After all, I couldn’t just show up in my pjs! I’m also nosy and hate being left in the dark. Anyways, everything was above and beyond my expectations. I also underestimated the sheer amount of gifts that people bring to these things. Good God. I think Mary’s living room gave a McNealy Family Christmas a good run for its money! A few weekends ago, I ripped apart my kitchen and put everything we got away. I’ve never been so excited to use a blender in my life.
A week later; Kate, Elaine, my mother, and I got together and put the invites together. We did them “assembly line” style, which worked out perfectly. They were sent out a few days later. The only bummer about the invites is that the RSVPs are going to my parents house so i dont get to open any of them. However, my mother is doing a very good job at giving me daily updates about who is coming and who is eating what. The majority seem to be choosing the filet meal option, which isnt much of a surprise, but it may or may not send my dad into a spiraling fit of anxiety. Don’t go all George Banks on me, dad!
The week after that, my mother and I met with the florist again to tie up some loose ends to show us some samples of flowers. I am absolutely thrilled with what we were shown. I met a girl at our marriage-prep class that said that she has only talked with her florist via email, even though she has a shop only an hour or so away. She has no idea what flowers she is going to be using or what they look like or what her center pieces look like. TRY MEET WITH ALL OF YOUR VENDORS- CAN’T STRESS HOW IMPORTANT IT IS! If not yourself, then someone else who you trust that lives near whoever you have been speaking with. For the peace of mind alone, its worth it.
The week after THAT (ugh), I went for my first “real” dress fitting. I tried it on a few weeks back, as you know, but this time they figured out alterations and stuff. There isn’t a whole lot that needs to be done, thankfully. Just a hem and a tuck here and there. I brought along my veil to make sure the length looked right with everything. Spoiler alert: it looks great. I am really really really really excited for it all to come together! Still looking for a hair piece though. When I went for hair trial, my hair dresser gave me what she wore in her hair. Its really nice and almost exactly what I am looking for, but I think I want something of my own to keep.
We are really getting down to the wire here…only 43 days left! I am definitely losing more and more sleep. As soon as the lights are turned out, my mind starts racing. I’ve been putting everything i think of into my phone when this happens, but it stop me from thinking about it over and over.
I am starting to look into the whole name change process. Its a lot more intense then i originally thought. There are a few kits that I can buy online for $30 that will give you all of the paper work and pre-fill it in for you. It might be worth it just to be sure I don’t miss anything important. I’ve heard that missnowmrs.com is the way to go.
Did i forget anything? I dont think so. Hopefully I will have the energy to write a few more times before the wedding…
We live high, our love gorges
on the alcohol we feed it
and it grows all fat and friendly
we have surplus if we need it
we hold on as hard as we can
our knuckles are white
we write letters to each other
invent secrets to confess to
I learn foreign and exotic terms of
endearment by which to address you
we feed fresh fruit to one another
we stay up all night
and I am healthy, I am whole
but I have poor impulse control
and I want to go home
but I am home
we are strong, we are faithful
we are guardians of a rare thing
we pay close careful attention
to the news the morning air brings
we show great loyalty
to the hard times we’ve been through
We are filled with riches and wonders
Our loves keeps the things it finds
and we dance like drunken sailors
lost at sea, out of our minds
you find shelter somewhere in me
I find great comfort in you
and I keep you safe from harm
you hold me in your arms
and I want to go home
but I am home
Sometimes, you hear the right song at the right time and it hits you like a ton of bricks.
Over the past 3 months, I, as well as many of my friends, have been listening to a lot of The Mountain Goats. Not only because they are fantastic, but mostly for our friend. For whatever reason, the band rarely comes up on my iPod.
Today driving home from work, the song “Riches and Wonders” came on. If this song has fists, it would’ve punched me right in the heart. Its a song that I’ve loved for years, but the meaning has changed a little bit since July. Maybe it just caught me off guard today…I’m not sure. But boy, did it strike a sensitive nerve. A thousand memories flashed through my head in an instant. All once happy memories that now just give me a painful nostalgic feeling when I think about the laugh and the smile I will never see or hear again.